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Girl Pirates.. Like This, You Mean

On me way... har har, har har...

Ian Hornby

phee responds: Well, no, Ian. Posers, I'm afraid. Our girl pirates would eat those airbrushed puffballs alive. This is what a REAL girl pirate looks like. And she's not even in costume. Plus she's in a good mood.

Come ahead... if ye dare... aahhrrr...

Elections

Mr. Pierce's comments are a bit confusing. His agenda is unclear. He doesn't seem to want anything other than an old fashioned brouhaha of an election. If encouraging voter turnout is what he's after he will probably be extremely successful. I know I'll be out.

Apropos of nothing whatsoever: I realize that nobody asked me but if they did my answer to a question like "What would you do to discourage tourism on Hornby?" would be "Simply tell them how many lawyers live here." (I know, I know, lawyer jokes suck. Lawyers don't think they are funny and nobody else thinks they are jokes.)

be one with your ballot

Don Bradley

phee says: Oh my, Don. I laughed my stomach sore at that one, though I felt a wee bit guilty for laughing (I have a lawyer in the family I love a lot)

The Works Respond to Larry Pierce

Mr. Pierce:

You say that David Cloud is providing a necessary business and that no one is screaming that their well has gone dry. You're wrong! We have lived on Hornby for 25 years and have always had enough water in our well to get us through the summer... at least we did... until David Cloud expanded his business three years ago and began to continously feed a battery of barrels a few blocks uphill from us. For three years in a row now our well has run dry in August and that, Mr. Pearce, makes our life here a whole lot more difficult and expensive. We've been screaming about this at public meetings for three years and we are thankful that our Trustees are trying to address the issue.

Why should David Cloud be able to profit from this precious natural resource that we all must share? He assures us that his business is not draining our well yet he has refused to show us the chemical analysis of his so that we can compare it to ours. You ask "what happened to Hornby's free spirit?"....well, let me answer... that spirit died when greed took over.

David and Colleen Work

phee butts in: There are so many other and better solutions to a water shortage than sucking water out of the communal water table--such as (as Don Bradley points out) reverse osmosis to purify seawater--or better rainfall catchment, purified with RO--just to name two. I must say I agree with you here.

Hi, it's Ian Hornby, the UK playwright again. (August 11 2005)

Not giving in to my demands for ownership of the island, eh?

Ok, forget the millions of dollars. Make it ten dollars a week and introductions to a few of your fair maidens.

"The esteemed admiral"? You mean my grandmother? Yes, that's the one - parrot on her shoulder and a wooden leg and the annoying habit of shouting "ahar me hearties" every few minutes.

As for the invitation to visit, where the hell are you?

Whoa, I just looked. Damn! I've just got back from a cruise that started in Vancouver, went up the inside passage (you don't have to censor that, by the way) to Juneau and Sitka and Skagway and the Hubbard Glacier, then back via Victoria, Seattle, San Francisco and LA.

Looks like I almost went past your door. I could have called in!

Still, at least we saw some whales.

Happy Christmas to all.

Ian

phee responds: Hey Ian! Welcome back. Christmas? You do live in another world! I'm still trying to figure out what to be for Hallowe'en. Still, it's a nice thought.

Wow, a cruise...does that mean you're a successful UK playwright?  Well, maybe we'll catch you next time you're cruising by!

And thanks for confirming something I've always suspected...that Hornby was named after a woman pirate. Ahhr, avast, ye swabs!! (btw, sorry, I can't help you with the fair maiden thing. We don't have any of those. Lots of girl pirates, though.)

Dean Ellis' Response to Tony Law

Tony  

It's good to see you are listening to the community or want to get re-elected, whatever it is, it looks much better.

To keep you up on the Komas bluff case. The Trust did not win special costs as your blurb stated. The trust has spent over 2oo,ooo dollars with very little recoverable. Dan Stoneman (the other party in this suit) is asking for special costs and is countersuing. I have a new lawyer and will be appealing and countersuing if succesfull. Expect to waste another 2oo,ooo of our money. We consider you partially responsible as you are a Denman Trustee and on the Executive Committe making the decisions on these cases. I would hope you now can present a more honest view of this fiasco to the community. Maybe explain "protect the bluffs from development" when the only use -farming- is happening on the land zoned for farming. Remember the by-law is not for the "protection of the bluffs", it is for "the protection of developement". 
Cheers
 
Dean

Tony Law Responds

Hi Dean:
 
Thanks for your message, which I note you copied to quite a number of people. I am glad you are pleased with the direction in which the Land Use Bylaw is going. I DO try to listen to the community - which is always a challenge because the community speaks with many voices!
 
You also comment on the Supreme Court judgement in the Denman Island Local Trust Committee v. Ellis decision. I do not want to get into a debate about this because, as you indicate, you are appealing the decision and thus the is sue is still before the courts.
 
I have reproduced below the full judgement of Hon. Justice Groberman so that members of the community can read it for themselves.
 
With respect to your comments, I would highlight the following statements by Justice Groberman :

"[28]     Mr. Ellis ’s evidence with respect to the vanishing forest cover has not been altogether consistent.  At one time, he appears to have contended that all of the forest cover that has been removed was windfall.  Later, he said that while he also removed standing trees, those were “hazard trees”.  Given the volume of timber removed, its apparently healthy condition, the observations of local witnesses, and the timing of the removal of forest cover (generally during periods of calm winds), I must reject Mr. Ellis’s contentions.  It is obvious to me that a concerted effort has been made to clear the lots, with the majority of the trees having been removed from the buffer zone.  This has resulted in profits from logging, potential new areas of farmland, and, more importantly to the lot values, an impressive ocean view from the lots."

"[29]       The evidence also satisfies me that the removal of trees and stumps along the bluff crest and in the buffer zone has significantly destabilized the bluff.  An expert report prepared for the plaintiff by Thurber Engineering estimates that an area of 5,660 m 2 or 18% of the slope of the bluff has been damaged directly by “incautious human activity.”  The report estimates that the regression of the bluff crest has been accelerated by those activities, to the point where it is now 5 -10 times the natural rate."

"[32]      I am satisfied that the only reasonable conclusion that can be drawn from the facts is that there has been a deliberate and systematic effort on the part of Mr. Ellis to clear the buffer zone of tree cover.  He has knowingly ignored the requirement to obtain a Development Permit before clearing the land, and, to the extent that it is valid and enforceable, contravened Bylaw No. 60 and (in the result) section 920 of the Local Government Act.  Even if I accepted his own evidence as accurate (which I do not), it is clear that he has removed tree cover from the buffer zone without a permit."
 
"[89]      The plaintiff seeks special costs of this action against Mr. Ellis .  I am inclined, at this juncture, to accede to that request, given that I have found a deliberate flouting of the bylaw for personal profit."
 
Tony

Note: text of the full judgement can be found here

Dean Ellis's Response

Tony
 
I see you sent this out
 
Maybe you will want to explain how someone can be charged with creating farmland under a by-law that is to protect developent (the land is zoned to farm).  Our expert reports (which you have seen) specify farming (long root grasses) are better than a strip of swinging trees.
 
Also the hearing on "special costs" (full lawyer costs) was heard Nov 20  -to bad you didn't win that one. 
 
Remediation hearing may happen in January -there is no remediation required -years ago I planted 3000 trees, shrubs and grasses.   These hearings are now your lawyer just wasting money because we are appealing and it will be all decided again.  Only certain trustee's would go into a case of preventing someone from farming ALR land under the premise of "protecting development", the logic gets a bit circular. 
 
You also failed to mention you voted to have Dan Stoneman , a retired dentist brought into this case because he bought 23 acres from me (the other piece is my 75 acres which supplied much of Hornby s hay needs this year).  Stoneman brought the land after you started litigation yet you charged him eventhough he was a complete innocent.  The courts have yet to rule on this one. 
 
We do not have $180,000 to throw at a court case but we do feel quite positive about our legal right to farm ALR land.
 
Events yet to come.  Remediation hearing, Stoneman special cost request, Stoneman countersuit and our appeal of the ruling.  I hope you will be so prompt as to keep everyone up to date on these events because you are spending our money.
 
Cheers

Dean

Tony Law's Response

Hi Dean :
 
You ssuggest that the Komas Bluff case was about "preventing someone from farming ALR land under the premise of protecting development".
 
Here is how Justice Groberman saw the situation according to his reasons for judgement:

[6]                In May 1999, in Bylaw No. 111, the plaintiff amended the Official Community Plan Bylaw (Bylaw No. 60) to designate the Komas Bluff area as a Development Permit Area pursuant to the predecessor of section 919.1(1)(b) of the Local Government Act.  The bylaw lists the objectives of the designation as follows:

1.         To protect areas of unstable terrain from increased risk of slope failure and/or erosion due to cutting or removal of trees or other development.

2.         To protect ground water and surface water from degradation due to development.
 
[56]             I am not persuaded that the bylaw should be interpreted as prohibiting farming activities.  Rather, it regulates such activities, requiring a permit to be obtained before they can be undertaken.  Land owners are required to take appropriate steps to ensure that farming activities do not result in instability of the land or in degradation of groundwater.  In some situations, the circumstances of the land will mean that a permit cannot, in practice, be obtained.  The dominant feature of the development permit scheme, however, is regulation and not prohibition.  I am satisfied that the scheme does not conflict with the Agricultural Land Commission Act or the Agricultural Land Reserve Use, Subdivision And Procedure Regulation .
 
Tony

Dean Responds

Yes Tony
 
The fun little thing here is:
 
I applied for a permit which required a geoteck report.  I supplied the Madrone Enviromental Report (Planting Recomendations for Erosion Control /Komas Bluffs,October 2003).  Island Trust in their arrogant wisdom said the writer of the report, Gordon Butt, was not a geoteck (the appeal will straighten this out).  Therefore they rejected the permit.  All the judge saw was that I did not have a permit (and thats all Islands Trust said).  The judge says I should have gotten a court order (just $20,000) to farm.
 
What is interesting here is your discussion of TUPs. This is a good example of the Trust rejecting a permit for any reason and then legally one does not have a permit, even though they followed all the requirements.  A bit political eh?

Dean

phee note: This exchange is from a group email discussion which has taken place over the past week. With permission from Dean and Tony, the discussion to date has been reproduced here.

Response to Webitorial #14

Hey Madame Editor:

A short response to your recent webitorial on the loss of hope around the visions for Hornby Island . Just wanna say that "I hear ya", as I have struggled recently with a big loss of hope myself. Now living in Courtenay, with an eye to working/living internationally, my perspective is getting back on track. It's funny about that "create your own reality" thingy - its mostly right. When I feel positive, so does my outlook on everything (and everyone) else.

As for the Hornby visions, and the projects coming out of the "economic renewal" process - those have not been lost. In fact, HICEEC has spent much time and energy (while working to try and transfer ownership of the Thatch), continuing to work towards the plans that we all created together last year with the help of Sandra Mark . Remember how we all thought that instead of trying to create 3 brand new community businesses, we would instead focus on creating 1 new business that would meet the needs of all 3 of the other proposed businesses? Well, we should know very shortly if we will get the funding needed to get the "Hornby Island Marketing Agency" up and running this Fall! Combined with a local branding strategy, this marketing agency will help all local businesses (food, art, workshops, produce, etc) to find bigger markets for their work, and hopefully make a better living doing what they love to do.

So, the hope is not completely gone - because if Hornby can figure out how people can make a decent, year-round living and also create more affordable, year-round housing - then I think we still have a shot at avoiding the worst of what this new economy is dumping on us.

Remember, the ISLA group is still in the works - trying to get charitable status - and will be doing a funding drive soon too.

Two groups - two vital issues. If anyone out there is serious about staving off the waves of change, now is the time to get involved and put your energy where your worry used to live.

Hope Lives!

Darlene Gage

Phee breathing a sigh of relief: Thanks Darlene! Nice to hear from you, especially with good news. It's been a long time since I've heard anything from the Corp about anything except the Thatch... it's good to hear that they're still alive!

Feedback on Feedback

Care leah Fitzgerald:

Not sure who you are or what cartoons of mine you have seen but I'm presuming that you are referring to "the Final Crusade" and have probably never seen "The Adventures of Environhood" or my "Politics of Garbage" cartoons. I'm very flattered by your praise and your request for "local political satire" (which has no doubt sent shivers down the collective spines of Tony , Eleanora and Carol ), however I've tried that before and it was not well received.

You would not believe the number of islanders who have informed me that "it's okay to lampoon the big time politicians but you can't poke fun at the politicians in a small community like Hornby ". One local leader was so enraged by my cartoons that he lost control and brutally assaulted me. The Co-op board voted to back their manager's decision in banning my comic books from the Store and the First Edition has refused so many of my letters that I'm sure that they would never print my cartoons.

Thanks Care but no thanks. I have just recently pulled myself out of a 15 year depression and I'm just beginning to feel good about life here on Hornby again. In the future I plan to stay out of the politics and focus on my sculpture and my new career as a recycling consultant in Central America .

David Work

Phee says: For anybody who hasn't seen David's sculptures--which are wonderful--you can see photos here. And congratulations on the new recycling consultant career, David! It seems tailor-made for you.

Photo Hoax

Hi Phoenix --

My sister sent me a batch of pictures, supposedly of Hurricane Katrina, then this:

Just got this on the DMin list.  The pictures were great anyway.
    Love,
    Margery

"Hi all.  I discovered that the photos recently sent as Katrina moving ashore in Alabama were a hoax.  They are, in fact, pictures taken of tornadoes and weather fronts in Kansas and Nebraska in 2002 and 2004.  They were taken by a storm chaser.  My friend, who is from Alabama, checked it out on a urban legends web site when he saw that the land did not look like coastal Alabama. 

They were beautiful photos though.  Thanks for the thought.
Barry Bloom"

Tom Knott

Phee sighs: Ah! Well, that explains it, then. Jeez. How boring. Still, awesome photos, though.

Hey Phoenix.

I read an interesting article in the Sept 22nd edition of Island Tides regarding Islands Trust bylaw enforcement. Considering the controversy currently raging on our little island, I thought this article might provide some food for thought.

Also, those pictures you posted from Katrina/Ontario tornados were sent to me earlier this year by a friend in Alberta who claimed they were from the storms that cause all the flooding in the spring. I wonder where they are really from...

Cheers,
kev

Phee says: Thanks, Kevin! Definitely, food for thought. Now I'm really curious about the damn photos. Anybody else have a story on those? About the article, Kev, please send me the name of the author so I can credit them properly--always nice to do (not to mention legally required!).

Kudos - Overdue Praise Goes Two Ways

David Work , from what I have observed, you are a very talented, nay, a brilliant cartoonist. I have a request, or suggestion, take it as you wish. Would you consider lending your talents to some local political satire of the non libellous variety? I do not know if you are familiar with him but comedian Jon Stewart gets away with, of all things, telling the TRUTH, verbally, in his case, and by doing just that, by using clever comedy as a way to make effective fun of many a politician's human foibles (except Bush and Cheney, who seem to have non human foibles).

Stewart does this in ways that he apparently gets to do while still not becoming "liable" for exposing every day hypocrisy and contradiction. Best of all he routinely exposes the Bush administration's use of Hegelian manipulation for the Administration's own ends. His show is on the comedy network, and is called The Daily Show. Hands down it is he best fake real news around, especially re the U.S. regime politics and the now floundering democracy once known as the Constitution.

Canadian politics is not following all that far behind anything that happens south of the border, it seems. Especially, from now until November 19th, David, we on this island desperately needs to hear from YOU and to see clever satirical cartoons aimed at our little pretensions and vanities in a way that can be dead on yet ease local stress and tension and manage to allow us to laugh at our own egotistical illusions and delusions. The time is at hand or poking gentle fun to lower personal pomposity and self importance, and as a way to illustrate how not only politics and politicians but all of us need our ego balloons pricked now and then, and could benefit from having not only our hidden ambitions exposed but having pointed out our penchant for bullshit, and for denial.

How about your sketches for which we can provide some venue in which to see our navel gazing tendencies and our insular narcissism levelled or brought into perspective? Would you please consider this to be a polite, creative challenge from someone who admires your drawing talent enormously and would love to see it productively applied to exploring nuances and entertaining aspects of what "runs" Hornby . Naturally, this agenda is not to be confused with character assassination Any chance you might lend your gift to such a worthy cause? We all need to lighten up and laugh, including at ourselves.

Regards,

Care Leah FitzGerald

Phee butts in: I'll second that praise! I've never been able to figure out why David's cartoons were taken so hard. I'm still waiting to be in one myself!

Kudos For Care

I just read Care Leah Fitzgerald's article on "Hegelism". Although I've understood for years now that governments or states have used "managed conflict" to bring about change and control, I had never before related this philosophy to the conflicts happening right here on Hornby. Thanks Care... very insightful.

David Work

That's No Hurricane, That's a Tornado!

Hi Phoenix:

I may be getting my hurricanes (names) mixed up: was it Katrina that wiped out New Orleans?

Yes, it was...

Anyway, these photos were taken around Guelph and Fergus in Ontario during the tornado that swept through there 5 or 6 weeks ago. I think I can find out who took them because my friend in Fergus sent them to me.

I'll email her.

Louise Jarvis

Phee responds:

I wondered about that. I've never been down to New Orleans so I had no idea what it looked like; but something about it didn't look right. Thanks for setting me straight, Louise! Tornado or hurricane, it's a pretty scary sight. That goes to show how easily misinformation can spread through the Internet! I'd love to put the photographer's name up, if you can find it. I hadn't heard about that tornado... Katrina and Rita are getting all the press...

Response to Webitorial #13

I would like to formally register my own displeasure with those who would post anonymously to anything in either the First Edition or Word of Mouth where it appears as though the thrust of the person's post is lobbing mortars from behind a wall. Most cases where anonymity is desired seem to involve either direct or indirect blame towards someone whose name and public reputation is on the line (not just the politicians). This seems unfair to me, and also appears counterproductive to healing rifts, since the playing field is not level.

My suggestion for amendment to the anonymity guideline on WoM is to withhold publication of anonymous posts where blame is the primary content of the post. Phee, you mention that the choice comes down to posting the volatile anonymous post or withholding...perhaps there are cases where withholding would be a "better" choice? I guess what I'm suggesting is, don't make a rule about it...call it on a case by case basis. Yes, we know that exchanges that start with blaming energy can evolve into something healing...but it's a much tougher road if that blaming energy includes the unfair advantage of anonymity on one side.

My two bitz...

Peter C.P.

Phee responds:  Thanks for your feedback, Peter. Yes, that's the point I was trying to get at. There are lots of good reasons for anonymity, but it can be abused! So I will be using my own judgment and calling it case-by-case. I would encourage somebody to either re-write in order to remove the attack or to come forward with their identity. Right now it's all theory, since it hasn't actually happened yet. And who knows--maybe it never will!

A Proposal from the Lasqueti Mint-Master: in response to Tony Law's article about Lasqueti Dollars

Hi Tony,

I am contacting you as director of the Lasqueti Mint. The coin project has continued for 10 years now and is growing and expanding at an expansive rate. The main advantage of the Lasqueti coinage is that these are bullion coins and are exempt from all taxes and dutys; are recognized and accepted all over the world; have an intrinsic value that stands alone; are a conveniant way to store, transport and exchange wealth!

Lasqueti coins have risen in value both in the bullion market and in the numismatic world. The value of the bullion in these coins has risen from 40% (gold) to 90%( silver). The original Lasqueti coin issued in 1997 at a cost of $20.00 ca is now selling for $175.00 ca in the numismatic market.

One of the ideas behind this minting was to put bullion into the hands of the local citizens of Lasqueti Island . The reason being that the paper currencies of the world are inflating themselves out of existence and one way to protect local wealth and end up with a means of exchange is to have something of value on hand after the collapse. In the same period of time that the Lasqueti coins have increased in value the Canadian Dollar has inflated by almost 200%!!!

Look at the cost of gas and the increase of land costs on Hornby and you can get some idea of how much less the dollar will buy. The Lasqueti Mint is willing and able to supply Hornby Island with Gold and Silver coins with a Hornby design on one side of the coin. The other side would be dedicated to the concept of the bioregion of Cascadia that both Hornby and Lasqueti are a part of.

If you would like to know more about this project please contact me at lasquetimint@yahoo.ca.

Peace be with you
Tolling
Mint Master, Lasqueti Mint

Hi

My name's Ian Hornby and I'm a UK playwright.

I claim the island as my own property and would like you all to pay me millions of dollars in rent and offer me freedom of my island.

That OK with you guys?

Thought not. Phooey!

Best wishes to all.

Ian Hornby

I got this letter on July 20th; was too busy to put it up. And I almost didn't. But it's too funny. A UK playwright? Could this be a descendant of the esteemed Admiral? Are we worried?

Didn't think so. Hi, Ian. Feel free to visit sometime.

- phee

Andy Wheatley writes from Khao Lak:

Hi Phee,

Just to let you know how happy and proud I am of the work that you are doing there for those of us that are here ....I'm coming home soon so I will thank you in person... but just wanted to let you know now, and help you have a good day, just know that Canadians are well represented here and I hope you have a happy Canada Day. Thanks for all that you have done!

from KhaoLak
from the Green Team

rivers and streams

andy

Phee replies:

Thanks for the encouraging words, Andy! I'm happy to do what I can to help your efforts--it definitely qualifies as a Good Cause. I'm both glad and sorry to hear that you are coming home soon; I know you would be staying longer if you could.

phee

Rory O'Shea Is Still With Us

Hi Phoenix... Thanks for your great review of Rory O'Shea Was Here. It's one of the best movies I've seen in a long time and you do it great justice. Because of my own hearing impediment, I tend to miss a lot of the dialogue, especially when non-whitebread accents are involved. For me, one indicator of a great movie is when I can understand the story at some significant level (which of course might well be different than for someone else) even though I don't get the details of the dialogue. This was certainly the case for ROWH. Keep up the good work.

...Rudy

phee responds: Thanks Rudy! Though I understand that your specific criteria might not work for everybody... It's nice to be validated... I wonder, was there anybody in the Hall that night who didn't like the film?

My Mom Responds to Webitorial #9

I believe I was about your age - 20 years ago - when the philosophy that I now try very hard to live by first lodged itself in my middle-aged, menopausal  mind. (Hey! What are you implying?  ) I was reminded of how and when I experienced that mind-opening 'defining moment' when I read your latest column.

From the Ground Up

Hi Phoenix.. I am so excited about what you have done here although I am quite illiterate on the computer still. So I would like to catch up to speed as to how best to use your site with your vision and the good of all. I would like to link this to my website too but have no idea with Andy in Thailand ..how to do it.. he always does that stuff for me.. can we link to you also and do we pay or donate to you for that?? Lots of questions.. anyway.. you are awesome.. this is a lot of work .. I have some photos from Andys project in Thailand but do not want to submit them without your permission.. his project is so overwelmimg ..to try to get all those little plants and trees saved from the bulldozers and the buildings and the Thai Mafia who just wants the little resorts to go under so that they can put their big hotels in and be decadent.. the politics are awful ..the volunteers are in tears somedays because they work so hard.. anyway.. Anyway.. you are one talented and awesome lady.. keep it up..

Michelle Easterly on the west side....blessings

Phee responds: Thank you Michelle! Yes, certainly I will link to your website; I have a ‘links’ page where I put local links. There is no charge for that, though I am happy to accept any and all donations! If you wish to advertise on the site, check out the 'Ad Info' page for details of how to do that.

You don’t need permission to submit photos or anything else to the site--please do! I would love to put up Andy’s Thailand photos in particular, it’s a fascinating and worthy project (yay Andy! ). And if you or Andy wish to write more detail about his experiences over there (no word limit), I would love to post them. What you say is very intriguing--I'd love to know more, and I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Handicapped Parking at Joe King?

Don Bradley's humourous story is NOT made up.... Colleen and I really did park in the reserved spot. We didn't do it knowingly though. And just like Don says... we didn't stay long and there was no problem. However I would like to take the opportunity to point out that neither the Ballpark or the Hall have clearly marked parking spots for the disabled. My knees are in bad shape these days and there is no way that I would park on the road and walk in... I would rather just go back home. Surely I'm not the only one in this condition and it might be an idea for the those in positions of authority at the Ballpark and Hall to consider some parking spots reserved for those of us who cannot walk very far.

David Work

Web. note: anybody from HIAA reading this?

Phil Bailey responds:

Just wondering if the lack of Handicapped parking at the Hall and the Ballpark has anything to do with the fact that these spots don't actually have designated or defined parking anywhere. Just the random happening system of putting your car wherever! I would be willing to bring it up in our meeting (Joe's) this Saturday. Any spot in mind?

Phil

Phee says: My suggestion would be the spot right beside the woodshed--provides quickest and easiest access to the front door. The question is going to be, how to mark the spot--paint lines on gravel?  And then, enforcement would be an issue. But it would be a start!

phee

Don Bradley writes,

Phee,

First of all, congratulations on some finding some new self awareness. Remember,"Recognition of the problem is the first step towards recovery." Oops, wrong organization I suppose and anyway, once you have "cured" yourself of your humanity, what's left. Wrestle those devils if you wish but don't stop being human.

Wrestling devils is a very human thing to do. It's more fun if you're only play-wrestling, of course! - phee

Don continues:

Here are a couple of tales of Hornby adventures.

I have a new neighbour. He is a pleasant and friendly fellow who is possessed of two large dogs. I was warned by a third party to "Watch out for those dogs, they are really mean."

I have to walk past these dogs each time I leave or return to my home. If these dogs were truly to be a problem I wanted to get it over with. The first time I walked past the house when the dogs were outside there was a massive eruption from their veranda and two big dogs charged out at me. Big BIG dogs. Looked mean as hell and sounded like they were just waiting for lunch and had decided I was going to be it. This was made more interesting when the dogs owner began yelling at the dogs as though he had just inadvertently unleashed the hounds of war on the welcome wagon lady!

Now, I have a personal philosophy when it comes to dealing with threats. Threats are for idiots and children. An adult either does something or he doesn't. When threatened, my instinctive response is "Put up or shut up - NOW" I don't really recommend this as it has proven painful at times. Most of the time though, bullies, cowards and other threatening loudmouths back off so fast they get wind knots in their shoe laces!

This can be one of those times when thought process kicks into warp speed and the world starts moving in slo-mo. It has to do with adrenaline and the "fight or flight" response. I am not an adrenaline junkie and don't particularly like the massive adrenal response but I have, in times long ago and far away, literally saved my own life while in this state and stand very much in awe of the potential of humans in the throes of fear and adrenaline.

That was my physical condition as I watched a couple of hundred pounds of slavering jaws and blood red eyes bear down on me from twenty feet away. In less time than it takes me to find the enter key on my keyboards, (this has been known to stretch out occasionally) my energized mind: reassessed my personal threat philosophy; decided on flight rather than fight; decided to use my ape ancestry to my advantage and climb a tree; did a complex series of mass, time, velocity calculations regarding dog mass, ape speed and the distance to the tree; factored in the realization that said tree was actually a four foot high and rather spindly blackberry bush; assessed once more my threat philosophy and decided that, having no choice by this time, I would offer the dogs the opportunity to demonstrate their intentions and abilities vis-a-vis barking and biting. Bolstering myself with the notion that an ape species with an opposable thumb and a club was currently dominating this planet and that while I would have to deal with the dogs, they would have to deal with me and I would not be a easy lunch, I did what any sane person would do under the circumstances. I bent over, extended an open hand and said "Hey mutts, come to get your ears scratched?"

Suddenly the skies glowed, the clouds parted, a heavenly choir began a serenade while the dogs frolicked as puppies and scampered about gathering, for me, a bouquet from their favourite rose bush.

Ooops, sorry, that ending fits a different story.

Reality was as much a relief, though.

One of the dogs was what might be euphemistically called a "pussy cat"

It really did want its ears scratched. It just had a bit of a communication problem! The other stayed in character but instantly stopped his charge. He was the bigger, blacker, redder eyed, louder and slaveringest (I love English. I just made up that word and you know what it means!) of the two and maintained his threatening ways at a short but respectful distance. He barked, glowered, slavered and etc. but his bluff had been called and he knew it. He had no intention of eating me but was simply doing what was expected of him; being a large watch dog. I even thought I detected a hint of envy as he watched his turncoat buddy receive a thorough scratching of the ears, base of tail and other doggy e-zones.

Sure enough, for the next while the process was repeated, albeit at a reducing level of frenzy. After a couple of days Pussy Cat Dog did not even feign aggression but simply ran out for some petting. Black Fierce Dog began laying out a few token barks and bass tube sounds and proceeding to cast about in case any real threats had come by with me. He would then stand and forlornly watch PCD gleefully accept her due. This only lasted a week. BFD now comes out, grumbles, rumbles, drools and then submits to the indignity of the human compulsion to scratch a dogs ears and tail. (He really appreciates what the opposable thumb does for his ears but refuses to admit it.)

Are they mean dogs? No - they are just dogs.

The other tale took place at the recent acoustic blues night at the Ball Park.

I was employed as the assistant junior under-secretary to the vice-president in charge of maintaining some parking stalls needed for the musicians "switch-over" at intermission. (Split venues. Novel idea. Worked great.)

Myself and a hard working crew sweated all night as we fought off the hordes of blues hungry parkers. (Roddy has to be singled out for his dedication and bravery under great stress. Atta-boy Roddy.)The two glaringly empty parking spots drew wannabe parkers like flies to honey. During a minor lull in the heavy action I heard someone say in an ominous sounding sotto voce, "Uh-oh, heres trouble." I spun around expecting a bus load of Outlaw Bikers or at the least, several hundred drunken louts celebrating the "Wet Grad" they all promised their moms they wouldn't. I saw nothing. The only movement in the parking lot was Dave and Colleen Work getting out of their vehicle. They had inadvertently parked in the hallowed "Musicians Spots", they were not wearing their halos and were proceeding into the hall.

Here is another little insight into how I choose to live my life.

I pick my friends. My enemies choose me. I don't really have enemies. If I do they are quiet, non-aggressive and anonymous. It probably stems from my attitude. "There are six and a half billion people in the world. Why should I get upset if you decide you don't like me?" Aggressive and antagonistic people seem to need someone to accept their venom. If you sidestep, the venom blows off into the air. This is so unsatisfying and such a waste of resources that they usually look for an easier target and get out of your face. If someone tries to include me as they spray a third party, I receive a much more accurate and in depth insight into the sprayer than the intended sprayee. I will listen as someone attempts to poison my thoughts toward another but mostly for the insight into the speaker.

I met David Work about a year after moving to Hornby. I heard all about him from others about two seconds after I got off the ferry. I was a stranger to almost everyone at the time and was interested in meeting this eight foot tall ogre with the bloody fangs. He certainly sounded more interesting than the self absorbed egotist that described him to me. As it turned out I wasn't introduced to David for about a year. I did meet him though. One day in the ferry line up, a dapper gent in a nifty snap brim offered to sell me a self published comic book. I literally had no cash on me and refused politely. He looked me over and said "No problem. Have one anyway."

"Cool", I thought to myself. "I kinda like these Hornby people." I still had to meet this David Work guy though. If he really had an evil eye, a flaming beard and ate children I needed to know what he looked like so I could hide the grandkids if he ever came slave raiding in my 'hood.

I met the comic book guy again at a party. We did some polite chit chat about comics and stuff. I was talking to another person a bit later and heard them tell someone else that "David Work was out on the porch . . the guy with the hat." The sudden flapping noise that startled everyone that night was really the sound of my eyes being opened.

David and I are not buddies. We swing (or should it be twist) in different but overlapping circles. He loaned me a valuable and expensive book one time. We certainly are not enemies. David has always been polite and courteous with me and I am pleased to return the favour.

Back to the parking lot. 

Mr. and Mrs. Uh-oh had already parked and were heading indoors. This could be a nightmare. As panic swirled around us and the venom clouds gathered, my senses became overwhelmed by an adrenaline charge. To deal with the situation I was forced to rely on that most ambiguous and rare of our instinctive survival skills, fear of pain and common sense.

I ambled rapidly up to David and, without giving him an opening that could be construed as weakness, I challenged him.

"Dave," I said in a take no prisoners style of politeness and courtesy. "We need to keep these parking spots open for the musicians to use as they flit from venue to venue."

"Oh," Dave replied in a threateningly polite tone of voice as he looked over his shoulder at the extremely full and rain drenched parking lot."Wow."

I knew I had him by this point. I hit him with the old 'one-two'. "Dave," I said in my best ominously courteous manner, "My job is not to keep these parking spots empty all night. My job is to ensure that they are available when the musicians need them. All the performers are now here for the second set and I have no problem with you parking there. I gotta ask you to vacate the spot before the last set is finished so the musicians can clear out and leave the partying to those who know how."

He fell. He was putty in my hands. He mumbled something. He turned to go and as he left for the music I let him get in the last word.

"Thanks," he said. "We're only going to be here for a few minutes anyway."

Is David a mean human? No - he is just a human.

So what do these tales have in common? I mean, besides the fact that I submitted both?

Well, it could have been the same person that warned me of the dogs and of David. The dogs certainly sounded vicious. If they had been kicked at out of someones fear they would have defended themselves, been branded as bad dogs and shot! For being dogs and for defending themselves they would be dead.

David has been known to bark as well. He does what he feels he needs to do to preserve his world. When attacked by by those who fear, loathe and attempt to destroy what they don't understand, he too will defend himself, be branded a bad guy and shot. Oops, sorry. This is Hornby. Nobody gets shot here. They get ostracized, maligned, impugned, threatened, dragged through the mud, slandered, kicked when they are down and a host of other much more vicious and satisfying treatments than a mere bullet.

I hear a lot of people attack David. They put him down. It is human nature to elevate yourself by dragging others down. David is no worse and no better than his detractors. If you feel you are truly a superior human then prove it by elevating yourself above the common herd. Why would you feel threatened enough to attack mere mortals?

Anyway, dogs are dogs, humans are humans. The boundaries are sometimes blurry. If something is causing you pain but is not chewing on you, it is probably human. If something causes pain and it is chewing on you, it too is probably human but it might be a dog. If nothing is paining you, you are not human.

Welcome to Mondo Cane - Where Revenge is the Best Way of Getting Even.

Feel free to disregard this rant. I made it all up anyway.

Don

phee responds:

Woh. I'm going to have to post this with a 'pee first before you read' warning. Hilarious! Perceptive! Cool! Even if you made it all up.

Thank you Don!

And, yes... I'm sure we could all come up with examples of tales similar to yours. My son's Rottweiler looks, sounds and acts like a very mean dog if he doesn't know you and isn't sure of your intentions. And boy, can he sound and look scary (he is a rottie). But simply don't hurt him, be gentle toward him for a few visits, and he is a sweet and touchingly affectionate friend.

I am now quite enamoured of my granddog! When Edge (named for U2’s Edge) softened toward me, it was sudden, and very thorough. His eyes lit up with such sweet eager liking, my heart just melted. Oh, yes, pleasurable to be near! Such sensitive creatures as these are most rewarding to get to know. And the most sensitive creatures, and people, are the ones that might seem scary, or at least intimidating, until you know them.

Sometimes (rarely, now) I find myself disliking someone, based, not on my usual criteria, but on what I’ve heard about somebody, especially when it is presented as something 'everybody knows'. This is an extremely compelling and common human pattern—it’s why gossip is so addictive, and so damaging.

“Have you heard about what so-and-so did?.” “No! Really? My god, what an asshole!” And the next time we see Mr. so-and-so, we give him the cold shoulder and warn our friends away from him.

My experience of David has been similar to yours, Don, in that in person, I've always found him to be a gentle, unassuming and friendly sort. His words are frightening because they are not nice, and he does raise his voice; I suppose to be on the receiving end of the energy of 'I really don't like you' that he directs toward J.L, J.LB & TK must be quite frightening. I don't like not being liked or being called names, never liked it as a kid either. Still, in my personal opinion, David Work is never, and has never been, violent in any way.

He does play a mean blues harp, though.

Thanks for your response, Don. Mo' words! Mo' truth! Mo'fire! 

WoM

United Strait

What if we all went astray?
Would they come, blow us away?
What if all weird island folk
Became a country…not a joke!!!
Don’t believe me? See the polls?
Are we even on their rolls?
How about Cortes? Denman? Quadra?
Galiano, Gabriola?
Lasqueti, Pender, Saltspring, Mayne?
Texada, Reed…no voice again!

They don’t care so why should we
Check results out in BC
Don’t know about the other islands
I highly doubt that they were smilin’
When the Liberals stole the day
And STV’s were locked away
They don’t seem to care a wink
About who we are and what we think
So would they notice if we left
Would they tantrum, cry out ‘theft!’?
We’re part of us, not part of “them”
So could it be “not if, but when”?

Sustainability’s a key
Rely on local products Hornby
Co-create functional family
Network up the Salish Sea
Find the like minds with the jam
Dream one nation, twelve islands
Lead the way, talk to your friends
Don’t close your mind, it all depends!
Dare impossibly, let’s see
Imagine being much more free

What if we all went astray?
Would they come, blow us away?
What if all weird island folk
Became a country…it’s no joke
Maybe we could vibrate peace
If we became a smaller piece
Mind our own, let them mind theirs
Parallel creationaires
Separate values, separate birth
And everybody’s Heaven on Earth

Senor Pea

HOMELESS on Hornby and Lucky

I've always considered myself a lucky man.
the son of a waitress/cashier, a Jewish agnostic
single mother ostracized by her family for
marrying a catholic(she had a weakness for
irishmen). I live in a land where i'm permitted
to express my anti-authoritarian views how
lucky, success after success in the poetry life
how lucky 40 years of publications how lucky
respect of my peers how lucky success in artistic
collaborations how lucky intense companionships
how lucky all my lovers have been rare beauties
how lucky my friends are numberless and in many
corners of the world how lucky even now when i'm
homeless i'm lucky i'm homeless on hornby where
so many people care for me and though at public
meetings it may look like a lot of people would rather
not hear me standing up for friends or pointing out
the philosophical absurdities and consequences of
certain prevalent thought among the committee minded
(a tiny proportion of our population with too much time
on their hands my mother would have called them
busybodies) that want control they want to decide
for you i go to meetings occasionally just to deflate
those megalomaniacs to keep them from growing
too dangerous so its no wonder a few of the regular
self appointed growl about my permissive and
inclusive suggestions. My contrary assertions.
constantly questioning authority. My sarcasm.
The truth is among the wider population those with
lives those with children to put to bed right at the
scheduled time of the meetings those with inspiration
and enthusiasm and capabilities for the most part
have given my notions an ear, fair consideration,
and often agreement how lucky, thanks

billly

phee responds:

Thanks for writing, Billly! You make an excellent point--the people who attend meetings are NOT a fair representation of the opinions & views of the population of Hornby--at least, not those sectors of the community in which I travel. I hear many opinions which are not shared, reflected or taken into account by our local governing body.

That was part of the inspiration behind my creating this website--to develop a venue in which more and different voices can be heard--the voices of islanders who may have no time, ability or energy to participate in the formal process, but still have a stake in the governing of the community (by virtue of living here and being affected by decisions made).

In these times, it is no longer an option for a small elite to take the reins of power and make decisions for the future of any segment of the population. Talking 'bout a revolution?

Phoenix:

I just read your most recent Webitorial where you discuss the Shared Lands proposal, local politics and other issues...

You state that Billy Little and myself "have a communication style that makes many people uncomfortable". Just as Judge Lazare concluded at my trial in March, I believe it is not so much the "communication style" that makes people uncomfortable as the "content" of what Billy and I have to say. It all boils down to the fact that the Recycling Committee of 1990 was involved in a conspiracy to "keep the garbage on Hornby" by illegally dumping and burning, thus avoiding the cost of shipping it off island.

The committee had no problem with my "communication style" in 1989 when they created a "public education" position especially for me and literally begged me to accept the job. When they posted the Depot Manager's position later that year they had several others to pick from but instead they chose me. And no one had a problem with Billy's "communication style" until after I was fired and he began to support Colleen and I. We are both very thankful to Billy for the courage he has shown in standing up for the truth while many others have been scared off for fear of ridicule and persecution.

Upon joining the committee in 1988, I told them ou